What would Sam do?

Life’s a bitch. She has an uncanny ability of throwing us some real curve balls.. Usually at times and places that we least expect. Fear not men.. Sam is here. Sam is here to help. Happy to help. Just like that Puggy pug pug telecom brand we all love to hate but really can’t do without. I seem to be straying. So what WOULD Sam do?

Scenario 1 – It’s a Friday evening. It’s been a long tough week. You’re all set to hit your favorite Pub with your buddies when your boss walks in at 5 minutes to closing and asks..Well tells you rather, that you need to stay back and finish up a presentation for him. He’s crunched on time and needs to pack for his conference in Malta and really doesn’t have the time to bother with a trivial presentation. He’s a busy man after all.

• Average Joe – “Sure boss..Consider it done.”..Cut to: Door slams shut. “That  #$%##@ #@%$#^&!!!! Grumble…grumble…grumble.
• Sam – Convince  the rookie bright eyed (but not so bright) intern who’s been making eyes at you all week long that this is her chance to shine. This presentation could fast track her to the top brass of the company in no time. Everyone will sit up and take notice. Path-breaking stuff. Standing ovations.. Drum rolls.. Build it up like the Opera. Before you know it you’ll see her having something that can only be described as an ecstatic wor(k)gasm. Enjoy your beer, a typo free presentation and your new sexy pet. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?   

Scenario 2 – You forgot her birthday. You just saw it on facebook. It’s 4 pm. Dammit.

• Average Joe – He’d call her frantically and wish her.. Only to have her hang up on him. Run over with flowers and a bottle of wine in the evening and try his best to salvage the situation. Sure.. It could work if she’s fat and/or ugly and has low self esteem. Probably why he forgot her birthday to begin with.
• Sam – Diamonds are the way to any woman’s heart. Size, cut and clarity would depend on seriousness levels, how long you’ve been together and her cup size. These shiny little rocks work like magic. In their eyes you suddenly transform into a 3-in-1 gandhian monkey. My baby See/Do/Hear no wrong. 70 khoon maaf.

Scenario 3 – You run into your cheating ex at a nightclub. God she looks good. So does her bloody Arm candy.

• Average Joe – He would first have that priceless ‘deer caught in the headlights and see’s hot ex-doe’ look on his face. This will progress to a petty exchange of pleasantries (with the same look on his face) which may or may not culminate in an awkward hug but will definitely end in complete and total damnation of him i.e. average Joe.
• Sam – Walk up to her and calmly tell her you’re not mad at her for what she did to you. Maybe you did over-react just a little bit. After all, this could happen to any sexually (over)active woman in this day and age and at least, she was nice enough to give you the heads up and her doctor’s number. He was great. Make sure this conversation takes place within ear shot of Mr. Abercrombie and watch him run for the hills!…or his car in the least.

To be continued..